Don Paglia | Marriage and Family Counseling. Constellations Workshops

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# 7:    MAKE OTHERS RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

This next Step to becoming an effective victim logically follows from all the previous steps. This one is especially designed to have you work smarter as opposed to working harder. In fact it is all about getting others to work harder while you do little to nothing:

Never take responsibility for your relationships with anyone. Instead always make the other person totally responsible.

Say things like:

“She only cares about herself.”

“It’s his fault we broke up. He was such a jerk!”

“He/she never calls me!”

“People are so phony!”

“I am waiting for a full and complete apology before I speak to him.”

If you can say these kinds of things while using a weak and whinny voice, it’s even better. Don’t ever take any kind of initiative, and under no circumstances should you ever call the person in question. Instead wait by your phone, feeling sorry for yourself. While you sit there make a list of all the reasons he/she doesn’t call ill-fated you. This is where your daily negative affirmations will begin to pay off.

“He/she hates me.”

“He/she thinks I’m stupid.”

“I bore her.”

“People do not care about me one bit.”

“I made a fool of myself.”

“People never like me once they get to know me.”

If you, let’s say, do eventually get called just think of it as for some poorly

reasoned out attempt on this other’s part, but not any kind of sincere effort. Rationalize that they are only doing so because of some misguided kindness or insincere generosity on their part, or it’s because they feel pity for me. Create some ill-conceived reason that allows you to further discount any gestures of reconciliation.

“She’s/He’s just doing it out of obligation, not out of any real caring!”

With some persistence you will discourage any continued follow-up, or any further contact by such people. Best of all, you’ll then be able to continue building that air-tight case that you are right about you being a total victim.

Next week: # 8: SELECT A STYLE THAT WORKS BEST FOR YOU