If you are using any or all of these, you are not fighting fair and your relationship is suffering:

1. You name call or make below-the-belt character attacks (i.e. “You’re so stupid!”)
2. You use global statements such as “always” or “never” (i.e. “You never listen to me!” ”You’re always blaming me for everything.”)
3. You go off topic to a long list of prior examples of the current issue.
4. You use family traits as a weapon (i.e. “You’re just like your mother!”)
5. You shut down or storm out of the house. Sometimes leaving the situation all together is a good idea, but using a structured “time-out” is a better choice to avoid the other feeling abandoned.

Healthy marriages have times when couples don’t agree or don’t get along. They may not even like each other at times. Awareness of the things mentioned above is a helpful step towards lessoning damage to your marriage. Learn about the things that are less helpful to move to more productive ways to have difficult conversations. Include things like active listening skills, “I feel” statements and other methods of respectful, loving and attuned dialogue. Conflict does and will happen. Learn to get to the place where it’s less a “boulder in the road” and more a “blip on the radar.” If you mess up; clean up your mess. And move forward.