Don Paglia | Marriage and Family Counseling. Constellations Workshops

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By Don Paglia

Metaphor – a metaphor is based on a literal expression for a deciding moment in life or history when a major choice of options is required.

Metaphor and storytelling have been used by teachers long before the written word and long before the masses could read or write. These two tools are powerful ways of thinking and expanding one’s horizons. When we move beyond literal thought and use our imaginations we open our minds to expansive and illuminating insight.

Fishing and living seem to have a lot in common, at least to this writer, and it is hoped that the reader will not only see this commonality, but will find newer possibilities for his or her life. At the very least may you, the reader, may enjoy yourself and take whatever may come from this endeavor.

Tip # 1:

“There he stands, draped in more equipment than a telephone lineman, trying to outwit an organism with a brain no bigger than a breadcrumb, and getting licked in the process.” Paul O’Neil, 1965

Mary loved to attend every workshop or seminar she could possibly get to that had to do with leadership. She read every new book on the subject, and yet she was a dismal boss. She knew it; her staff knew it; and she knew they knew it. The tension at her small rental company was formative. And for all the skills she had gotten, she still felt helpless as to making her company culture a better place.

 As important at they are, skills and techniques will never do the job. Presence is more important than any skill or knowledge that a parent, a business executive or a president of a country may or may not have. This is why leadership training programs don’t teach leadership. A leader who is highly anxious can and will very often misuse or make maladaptive use of those very techniques that might have been so-called taught to him or her at a leadership training course. A leader who is calm and present and who can be undeterred in the face of resistance and sabotage, is a leader who will more than likely get those within their organization to be at their own best.

 Most problems are matters of the heart and can’t be solved with the head. For Mary it all stemmed from her largely discontentment with herself. She never truly liked who she was, and so she worked at trying to get others to like her. Her need for their approval was sky high resulting in an emotionally driven leadership. Once Mary took this issue seriously, and got less serious about making others happy, she calmed down and began to relax. From then on she was better able to make good decisions that in the long run proved to be best for herself, her company, and ironically, for the people who worked for her. It turned out the Mary’s employees felt calmer having a calmer boss.  Almost magically they, too, were now mostly better able to do the jobs each was hired for more effectively.  

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